LET'S TALK ABOUT APPS BABY
Are you an analog girl living in a digital world (or vice versa)? Well, let’s talk about how any kind of girl is STRUGGLING in the dating world right now. There are like a hundred different apps to use to meet people, but very few I think are actually enjoyable and productive. I’m not going to tell you which ones to use, but I will help you make using any of them easier.
Do not define yourself by the presence or absence of a man, period. Resting in our feminine should be our first priority, and by that I mean know who you are as a woman. What qualities do you possess? Do you know who you are without a man? We should NOT be approaching becoming a wife in any way.
You know I talk about identity a LOT on this blog. Women, sometimes we are so invested in becoming a piece of someone else’s life that we forget we have our own life, our own world that needs development. When you think about it, the reason we feel the most betrayed when relationships end is because we’ve spent time, emotion, MONEY on things that didn’t benefit anyone but our partner. Relationships should never be built on that type of sacrifice. We sacrifice ego, not our happiness, and we have to know the difference. I want to encourage you to invest a few hours everyday documenting or doing what you truly enjoy. Whether it’s knitting, mastering the newest Tik Tok dance or trying new recipes, DO DAT SIS! Make a list of all the things you are already really good at, or skills you want to pursue.
Here’s mine:
Be fluent in 1-3 languages (other than English obvi) by the age of 27
Travel internationally twice a year (I know I still have yet to get a passport because I didn’t see a point in having it during the parallelogram).
Cooking class for my birthday
(already done but) Get published. >>>> READ HERE
Of course there are more things on the list but these are my top 4.
CAN WE TALLLKKK
conversation starters. This one isn’t as tricky as you think. We do not swipe guys who have absolutely NOTHING in their bio’s. Photos plus no bio equals catfish. I don’t make the rules. Not to mention if they’re not even serious about describing themselves, we can’t trust that they’ll have anything to offer when we do start dialogue. Personally, I also avoid the guys who start their bio’s with, “No I’m not”, or “message me and you’ll find out.” You don’t know yourself THAT BAD that you can’t even tell a corny joke? Sometimes those really don’t work, but I can assure you they beat a blank page.
I guess that was more so advice for the fellas, but it applies to you too, sis. Give them something to work with. This is one feature I like about Hinge. They offer interesting, conversational prompts that you can write a couple sentences about. My favorite so far has been “weirdest gift I have given or received” and this guy told me about how someone gave him detergent for valentine’s day. So cringe, right? It gave me something to ask about. Another good one I’ve seen was “best travel story” - great for finding out if he’d be a good travel bae and if he’s been anywhere you’d like to visit sometime. If you’re not sing Hinge, just flirt. Be firm in letting them know what you’re looking for but don’t say anything like, “I want a homeowner with no kids, and an SRT.” Leave preferences like that for a later, more serious conversation. We just want to know if they like tacos and red or white.
how to respond to creeps
Do not entertain foolishness, AT ALL. You know your definition of disrespect and inappropriate. Do not deviate from that because you will save yourself time and a rise in blood pressure. Those guys who enter your inbox with ill comments about your body, makeup or whatever, we do not respond, we unmatch (and block if necessary). Protect yourself and your peace, period.
wrap it up then
and I’m not referring to condoms, I’m talking about the “talking stage”. We don’t believe in those, we only converse with people who are intentionally dating. That being said, stick to what timeline feels comfortable when it comes to how long you wait to make a move to meet. Let him initiate. If he hasn’t within that time, he’s probably not serious about dating, and isn’t worth your time, period. Personally, it takes a few days of CONSISTENT conversation for me to decide I’d like to meet in person. Don’t accept pressure to meet where you sleep, or on the first day (that’s wild to me). Also, don’t wait too long. Once he makes a request to meetup, let him solidify the date, time, and place, only give certain answers like, “That works for me”, or “I actually won’t be in time that day, but I’m free all day, (fill in the day).” This will make it clear that you are absolutely interested in meeting up, but need to better arrange when and how that happens.
Personally, I’m not using dating apps, but when I was, I was a beast! I was open, I didn’t take myself too seriously and I made it fun. Dating is supposed to be fun! Don’t give up hope. If the apps aren’t for you, that’s okay. Continue practicing starting conversation and carrying it, and you’ll never miss out on a (potentially) good thing.
